


20 Questions

by AwkwardPotatoChild



Series: Soekawa Fanweek 2020 [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Drama, Edo Period, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Family Issues, Fate, Getting to Know Each Other, Happy Ending, Historical Accuracy, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Sengoku period
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:15:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25034572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwkwardPotatoChild/pseuds/AwkwardPotatoChild
Summary: Former samurai Soekawa is sent to get rid of Lord Ushijima, a powerful daimyo, but instead, he finds himself wrapped up in an intriguing conversation and finds there is more to the man than his strength on the battlefield.Day 4:reunion || rain || historical AU
Relationships: Soekawa Jin/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: Soekawa Fanweek 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1808197
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2
Collections: Shiratorizawa Fanweek 2020





	20 Questions

**Author's Note:**

> Day 4! Once the other days are posted, judging from the length, I'm sure you are all able to infer that this one was clearly my favorite of the days.
> 
> I actually wouldn't have participated in Shiratorizawa Fanweek if it hadn't been for this day. A few months back, I applied for a zine. Before I even heard word from them, I had already gotten myself worked up and planned on writing this fic, but then I found out I had not been accepted. I know I shouldn't have gotten ahead of myself, but I was dejected by the news and fell into a minor slump as I debated even writing this fic. But then, a friend of mine, Scarf, mentioned there was a Shiratorizawa Fanweek and I found my answer. In the end, I suppose it was fate because had I been accepted, I would have had to cut out more than half of this fic and it would not have been able to exist in its truest form since I believe the word limit for the zine was around 3k. I'm glad I was able to write and share the story I wanted in the end after all.
> 
> Also, for the most part, this should be historically accurate. I actually happen to really like history and did a good amount of research for this, but if you notice anything wrong, please let me know.
> 
> If you haven't already, please read through my [Soekawa hcs](https://dangcommaannie.tumblr.com/post/622102453193736192/with-shiratorizawa-fanweek-coming-up-on-the-29th) before reading!  
> If there are any mistakes, let me know!

The night sky was moonless, barren, perfect for what Soekawa had set out to do. He had not planned on returning to this anytime soon, needing time to lay low after his previous job, but when one of Lord Oikawa’s retainers approached him with a sack of gold worth more than his life, he knew it would be a mistake to refuse someone called the Grand King by those serving him.

The air was still and it was late enough now that light only came from one room of the castle. He had heard that Lord Ushijima was a diligent man, usually dedicated to ensuring that he got enough rest, but he knew it also was not uncommon for him to accidentally fall asleep while working. Either way though, it did not matter to Soekawa. He has done his job under worse circumstances and he has yet to fail.

The only downside was the rain, a pour and not a trickle. The monsoon season was difficult for everyone in the country, washing away everything and destroying the lives of countless people. It beat heavily at Soekawa’s back as if penance for what he has done and what he is about to do. Yet, at the same time, it made his job easier, covering any trace of him, washing him clean of everything. Both a blessing and curse.

Soekawa was indifferent about it.

Hours had already passed and it appeared quiet enough within the castle that Soekawa felt comfortable proceeding. He leapt down from his perch among the trees and began to make his way towards the castle. Reflexively, he made sure he kept his footsteps silent and also hid behind whatever he could, camouflaging him in the event that someone should look out and spot him. It didn’t matter because the rain was more than enough to erase everything, but Soekawa hadn’t made it this far by cutting corners. He found shelter beneath the awning running along the side of the castle and crept closer towards Lord Ushijima’s room. He paused listening for signs of anyone before sliding the door open ever so slightly. He held back a snort when he caught sight of Lord Ushijima’s back facing him. He sat tall and proud before his desk, every bit the refined leader he had been made out to be, with the only exception being his head drooped over. Beside him, the candle’s flame flickered, making shadows dance around the room. The only other movement being the steady rise and fall of Lord Ushijima’s shoulders.

He should have realized it was too simple.

“Good evening.”

Soekawa froze.

Had he been made? Surely, there was no way that was possible. He was too good for that.

Had someone else come in? No, there was only one way in and out.

Had someone hidden in the room? Of course not. Soekawa would have seen if anyone else was in the room beforehand as well. He had kept watch for nearly half the day beforehand and saw no sign of anyone entering or leaving for hours.

Seeing as how this was the first time this had happened to him and that Lord Ushijima definitely appeared to be asleep, Soekawa chose to remain silent. He never found this piece of information during his investigation before tonight, but it was possible that Lord Ushijima spoke in his sleep. He had no romantic partners for him to confirm this and he never frequented any oirans or kagemas in the red light district either. He didn’t even have a chigo, if Soekawa recalled correctly. He was ready to dismiss the words as a fluke, but Lord Ushijima continued to speak.

“If you would like to come in from out of the rain, I do not mind.”

This time, Lord Ushijima turned his head to face the door. Soekawa pulled back, hiding himself around the corner, but he could still feel Lord Ushijima’s intense gaze upon the back of his neck.

“I understand that you have been sent here to kill me, but before that, I have a proposal for you. Please come in, so we may discuss it.”

Soekawa is not sure why, but he found himself peeking through the slight opening he had made earlier. He made eye contact with Lord Ushijima and inhaled sharply. His gaze was as intense as he had presumed it would be, but there was an undeniable softness to it, even though it didn’t show in his blank expression. Surprising himself again, Soekawa slid open the door to reveal himself, but made no move to enter.

“How will I know you will not call your retainers? Your page?” Soekawa asked instead. He placed his hand on his sword as a warning and stared down the daimyo. “I have heard of how skilled you are on the battlefield, Lord Ushijima. How will I know you will not fight back?”

“You will not know,” came the blunt answer. “I can only assure you that, as a man of honor, I will not. The most I can do to show you that I will not is give you my word and my sword.” Lord Ushijima removed both of his swords from his side and placed them before Soekawa. He looked down at them briefly before returning his attention back to the daimyo.“I have no other weapons on me. You are safe within my walls.”

Soekawa looked over Lord Ushijima and assessed that he was, indeed, unarmed. He then grabbed the swords and placed them by his side. He still made no move to enter and Lord Ushijima did not push. He only turned so that he was facing him fully, kneeling before him.

“Stay and speak with me tonight.”

Soekawa raised an eyebrow at this.

“If you are worried this is a ploy to waste time until someone else comes along, I can assure you that it is not. Everyone in the castle knows not to disturb me at night, unless there is an urgent matter that only I can deal with. They will also only come if I call, which I have already said, I will not do. I merely wish to ask you some questions and will offer the same to you. I believe ten questions each to be fair and if by tomorrow night you still feel the need to kill me, I will not resist.”

Soekawa continued to study Lord Ushijima. If it were any other person, Soekawa would not have bothered listening to them. He would have cut them down mid-sentence and would be gone before anyone was none the wiser. But the fact that he had even bothered to listen marked a change. The fact that he had yet to finish his job shows that there was something different. He had no clue what was it about Lord Ushijima, but something about him made Soekawa curious, something about him allowed Soekawa to trust in his words, something about him made Soekawa hesitate. So instead of continuing with his job, Soekawa agreed.

“Alright. Ten questions for each of us, correct?”

“Correct,” nodded Lord Ushijima. “I add that you must answer each question, but remember that what exactly you say will be entirely up to you.”

Soekawa gave a nod in return. He said nothing and only stared at Lord Ushijima, waiting for him to begin the conversation.

“My first question is in regards to your identity. May I ask what your name is?”

“No.”

Lord Ushijima hummed and gestured for him to continue. Soekawa found himself confused once again.

“Not one of my questions,” he first clarified, “but are you not going to push me to tell you? I feel as if that was a waste of a question.”

“No, I already told you that as long as you answer, I will accept whatever it is you have to say. I have asked my question and so you have answered. It is now your turn to ask me one and for me to do the same.”

Soekawa’s eyes narrowed. Once again, instinctively, he knew he should be on guard and go on with his task, but he found himself unable to move. He found himself wanting to continue whatever this game was. Despite his reputation as a stoic and strong leader, Soekawa had also heard that Lord Ushijima had some eccentricities of his own, but he certainly had not expected this. He still had his suspicions about him, but Soekawa was willing to accept for now. It did not mean he wasn’t wary as he moved forward though.

“How did you know I was here?”

Lord Ushijima nodded, taking a moment to think through his answer. “I am always careful. There is always someone hoping for my death, so I live everyday knowing that it would only be a matter of time before an assassin comes for me,” he said. “To be honest, I did not know for sure, but I am aware of situations where I would make for an easy target. So truthfully, I was not aware of your presence and guessed.”

“You guessed?”

“Yes.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“It is the truth, but whether you believe it is up to you.”

Soekawa frowned beneath his mask, but he nodded anyway, accepting the answer for now. “Fine. It is your turn then.”

“Are you hungry?”

“Excuse me?”

“Are you hungry?” Lord Ushijima repeated. He gestured to a spot near the door, along the wall. Soekawa peeked in to see a tray of food, untouched. “One of the maids brought me dinner earlier, but I got so caught up in my work that I did not get a chance to eat it. It is too late for me to be eating, but I do not want the chefs’ hard work to go to waste. I am offering it to you now.”

Soekawa looked over at the tray. It was simpler than he had expected, consisting of a bowl of rice, a pot of green tea for the rice, a covered bowl with what he assumed to be miso soup, a small dish of pickled vegetables, and some cold tofu with green onion, katsuobushi, and soy sauce. If Soekawa had seen this in any other daimyo’s room, he would assume it was a trap for few would partake in such a frugal meal. But he was starting to learn that Lord Ushijima was more complex than he had expected.

“It is largely vegetarian, if that is your concern,” continued the daimyo, mistaking Soekawa’s silence for suspicion. “If you are unable to eat it all, it is alright. I only did not want it all to be wasted. The poison taster has already checked it and they are still well. Like I said earlier, I prefer not to eat so late, but if you are still concerned, I do not mind having the first bite to prove that it is not poisoned.”

Soekawa glanced up briefly before shifting his gaze back to the meal. He was not going to deny the fact that he was tempted by the offer. As meager as the meal may have seemed, there was a reason why Soekawa was more than willing to accept Lord Oikawa’s request. With his job, his life was largely lived on the road and with a lack of consistency, that often led to a lack of meals as well. Letting out a soft sigh, Soekawa knew not eating would be a waste.

“Fine,” came his response. Lord Ushijima’s shoulders sagged slightly. “Turn around when I eat,” Soekawa added. “I will tell you when you can turn around.”

Lord Ushijima nodded and did as Soekawa asked. He either was too trusting or he did have some other plan, but for now, Soekawa leaned into the room and pulled the tray of food in front of him. Like Lord Ushijima had said, it was set out earlier, but even cold, Soekawa was thankful. He muttered his thanks and picked up the chopsticks, taking a bite of the tofu first, pushing aside the flakes of fish. Delicious. He took a few more bites before realizing that it had grown silent between him and the daimyo, and realized that he must be waiting for the next question.

Soekawa took a sip from his soup. “Are you not going to ask who sent me?”

“No,” Lord Ushijima answered immediately. “I have my suspicions about who did, so there is no need for me to waste either of our time with that.”

“Oh?”

Lord Ushijima nodded. “I am nearly certain that it was Lord Oikawa who sent you.”

Soekawa froze mid-bite. He said nothing, but he raised an eyebrow in amusement.

“Before we continue, am I allowed to ask follow up questions without them being counted towards my ten?”

“Please.”

“You say that you are nearly certain about it being Lord Oikawa, but what about the part of you that is not?” 

“The part of me that doubts believes that either Lord Daishou or Lord Kuroo sent you, but I am willing to place my bets on Lord Oikawa.”

“You sound sure for someone who is only nearly certain.”

Lord Ushijima let out a huff of air, maybe a laugh. Soekawa was not certain without being able to see his expression.

“Lord Oikawa and I are very familiar with one another,” he explained. “He believes us to be enemies, but for me, I have nothing but respect for him. He is a brilliant leader and my only wish is that our two clans can become one. I am certain that he sent you after me.”

Soekawa took another bite. “I see,” he remarked. “It sounds like the two of you have an interesting relationship.”

“We do,” Lord Ushijima nodded. This time, Soekawa was certain he was smiling, fondness in his words. “We do.”

Soekawa finished up the last few bites of his meal and set his chopsticks down. Hands together, he said his final thanks and pushed the tray back to where it was before. He adjusted his mask back to its original position.

“You can turn around now.”

Lord Ushijima sat still for a moment, making sure Soekawa was, in fact, properly masked before turning around. He gave a small nod to Soekawa, which was returned, and continued with his next question.

“How old are you?”

“Same as you.”

Lord Ushijima raised an eyebrow at this. “You are younger than I expected,” he said before he could stop himself.

Soekawa snorted. “I could say the same for you.”

“I did not mean to offend you.” The daimyo held up a hand. “I was merely surprised by the fact that we are the same age.”

“Understandable. I did not mean for my comment to be taken as an offense either.” Soekawa looked over at the tray in the corner and turned back to Lord Ushijima.“Why did you really offer me dinner?”

“I was telling the truth when I said I had forgotten to eat and did not want it going to waste,” he answered. “But also, I did so simply because I could and because I feel it is my duty to take care of anyone within my territories and within my walls.”

Soekawa snorted. “You are a strange man, Lord Ushijima.”

“That is not the first time I have heard that.”

Lord Ushijima gave a small smile as he said this and Soekawa was unable to stifle his chuckle. They fell silent, listening to the rain continue to fall, before Soekawa nodded.

“Where are you from?” Lord Ushijima asked next.

Soekawa swallowed, his tongue heavy. He knew that Lord Ushijima could see him internally struggling, but like before, he said nothing, only waited patiently for Soekawa’s response. He looked away, needing a break from his intense gaze, and then sighed.

“A village,” he finally managed to choke out. “A small village.”

“I see.” He glanced back at the daimyo. “Thank you for telling me,” he said. He gestured for him to ask his next question.

“What is the point of this conversation?”

The words were sharper than he had intended. Soekawa needed to calm down. He carefully unclenched the fists he had unknowingly made and closed his eyes for a brief moment, letting out a steady breath. He already knew that Lord Ushijima would not comment or disrupt. When he finally felt his heart steady and opened his eyes, Lord Ushijima spoke.

“I have seen many battles in my life. I have seen many deaths. My father before me held this position, so growing up, I did not question his actions and my family only pushed me further to extend his legacy and forge one of my own.” Lord Ushijima’s eyes grew melancholic and glassy. “However, after his death, I began to doubt if the lives lost would be worth the price of unification. It was after a battle against Lord Sawamura that my doubts were confirmed. We were thankfully able to come to a peaceful accord, but we still lost many during that battle, both myself and Lord Sawamura.” He paused, sighing. “I must still partake in battles because like I said, it is my duty to care for and to protect everyone within my territories, but I also find myself growing weary. I asked to speak with you tonight in the hopes of finding a better understanding of the world we live in now and that perhaps, one day soon, these battles will finally cease.”

Soekawa silently took in everything that Lord Ushijima revealed to him. It was the most he had heard the man speak and judging from his reaction, it was all true. There was no hint of deception, no lies or ulterior motives. This conversation was not the interrogation or game that Soekawa believed it to be, but a lost man hoping to find his way. He suddenly felt overwhelmed. With what? He didn’t know, but he looked down at his hands, swallowing thickly.

“And have you found what you were looking for?” he finally asked.

“I will let you know when our conversation ends.”

“Good,” he responded a bit too quickly. “Your turn now.”

“How did you get here?”

“I walked.” He shrugged. “I ran,” he found himself clarifying. “I came here from Edo.”

“Edo? That is a long way from here,” commented Lord Ushijima.

Soekawa shrugged again. “With my job, there is not much choice.”

Lord Ushijima hummed and nodded. He appeared calmer now, so Soekawa took the chance to ask the other grand question that was plaguing him.

“Why have you not already killed me?” he asked. “Aside from the fact that I have your sword, of course. However, before that, you could have done so, and yet, you did not, you have not. Why? Even after you explained the point of this conversation, I still find myself confused.”

“Your death serves no purpose to me.”

Soekawa’s brow wrinkled. “My death would promise you your life.”

“No.” The response was swift. “Everyone dies. Your death would not promise me my life. It would only prolong it. That serves me no purpose,” he explained. “Also, it is as I said earlier. I have seen enough death. There is no need to unnecessarily cause more.”

Lord Ushijima’s resolve was firm, but his gaze held the same lingering sorrow as before. Soekawa understood how he was feeling all too well. How many times has he avoided death, only to be the one to bring it? It all felt like an endless cycle, as if killing was what extended his life, stealing the remaining years away from someone else. He could blame it on the current state of the country. He could blame it on his profession. He could blame it on his family. But none of them justified his actions, only explained them, and Soekawa knew that Lord Ushijima understood this.

The next words were whispered. “Will you come inside?” Lord Ushijima looked past Soekawa. “The rain has gotten worse and I know you must be cold, if I am as well.”

To Soekawa’s surprise, he found himself nodding before he could stop himself. Lord Ushijima was correct though. It had grown colder and since he was still wet from earlier, his clothing did nothing to stop the fact that the rain had kept his back completely soaked. He shifted so that he was just past the threshold, closer to Lord Ushijima than before, yet close enough to his exit. Lord Ushijima’s gaze was gentle.

“Will you kill me or have me be killed tomorrow?”

“No. Never.”

Soekawa didn’t need an explanation this time. He slid Lord Ushijima’s swords over, so that they were now between them. Lord Ushijima made no move to get them. They fell silent as they awaited the next question.

“May I see your face?”

Soekawa startled and was ready to deny the request, but then thought twice. It didn’t matter here, his identity. In this moment, it didn’t matter. There was nothing for either of them to gain or lose, so without answering, Soekawa pulled down his mask, leaving his face bare. He inhaled deeply taking in the smell of the freshly fallen rain and not the stale dampness of his mask. He looked up at Lord Ushijima, who smiled softly.

“Ah. As I expected.” Soekawa tilted his head in confusion. “The rest of your features are just as striking as your eyes,” he said without shame.

Soekawa couldn’t stop the blood from rushing to his cheeks. He looked away immediately, focusing instead on the flickering candle as he tried to calm his heart. He wasn’t even sure of how to respond now, so instead, he asked his next question.

“Why are you so calm about this?” he asked, suddenly very aware of Lord Ushijima’s gaze upon him. The double meaning was there. “I feel as if others would react differently in our current situation.”

Lord Ushijima paused to ponder his answer. “I am a man that believes the choices we make will lead us to our future. However, when I unknowingly called out to you earlier, I began to wonder about the possibility of fate,” he explained. “If fate has been with us all along, I have no choice but to accept and allow it to lead me where it wishes. I would not say that I am calm, but rather, I am open to whatever may happen between us.”

Soekawa inhaled sharply. The way Lord Ushijima had said the last part of his answer altered their relationship entirely. This was no longer a casual conversation, but a declaration of war and Soekawa was uncertain if Lord Ushijima was going against him or with him. He finally managed to find the courage to make contact again and though his gaze was still strong, it had softened as well. Somehow, Lord Ushijima knew that his next question would be difficult for Soekawa and Soekawa is certain his assumption is correct.

“Who changed you?”

Soekawa did his best to remain calm, but his hands were clenched again. Lord Ushijima’s eyes softened into worry and he opened his mouth, appearing ready to remind Soekawa that he could answer it however he wished, but Soekawa shook his head. He took a deep breath to prepare himself.

“The people who swore to love me.” His voice was barely a whisper across the rain. “The people who were supposed to love me.”

Without meaning to, Soekawa became lost within his memories. Thoughts of a happy family, not the most powerful of clans, but not a weak one either. He recalled his time working and training, wanting to do right by his family. He recalled being forgotten, never being good enough, being cast aside like trash. He recalled being lost and confused, and before he knew it, tears began to fall. With the rain still falling, it took him a moment to realize he was crying, mistaking them for raindrops. He reached up and hastily wiped them away.

“I apologize,” he mumbled into his sleeve. “I did not mean for this to happen.”

Soekawa heard a soft tap coming from before him and looked up to catch sight of Lord Ushijima pulling away. He looked down and saw a tenugui, quickly inferring that Lord Ushijima had placed it there. He looked up at the daimyo, who gave a nod.

“No, I should be the one to apologize, not you,” he said. “It is my fault.”

Lord Ushijima gestured to the tenugui and Soekawa reached for it. He took a moment to admire the deep purple of the cloth before wiping away the rest of his tears.

“Why do you care so much?” Soekawa asked, still sniffling. “You have only met me. You know nothing of me aside from the fact that I was sent here to kill you. Why is it that you care so much?” He cut off the daimyo before he could explain. “And do not tell me it is because you believe it is your duty to do so!” he begged through gritted teeth. “I know that already. I know. Tell me something else. Tell me something more.”

Lord Ushijima’s expression was pensive and Soekawa was worried he had crossed a line, until the daimyo nodded. They sat in silence again as Lord Ushijima sorted through his thoughts, Soekawa stopped his tears, and the rain continued to pour. He heard Lord Ushijima inhale deeply and caught sight of him momentarily closing his eyes before he spoke.

“Truthfully, I do not know,” he said. Soekawa frowned, hands tightening around the tenugui. “If I factor out the fact that I feel as if I must, I do not know. That is not to say that if I was not honorbound to do so, I would not care for you because I feel as if I would care for you either way. But to answer the question of why, I do not know.” He looked directly at Soekawa again. “I simply care about you.”

Soekawa felt tears silently fall down his cheek again and reached up to wipe them away. “I see,” he whispered. “I see.”

“I would like to ask my final question for tonight,” said Lord Ushijima before the silence could overtake them once more. “There is one more question I do wish to ask you, but I feel it will be better reserved for tomorrow, if that is alright with you.”

“Go ahead,” nodded Soekawa.

“Will you join me?”

“Excuse me?”

“Will you join me? Will you join my clan?” Lord Ushijima asked again. “I understand that is not something you can answer right away, so since you will be back tomorrow, I do not mind waiting until then for your response.”

Soekawa hummed, but it was inaudible due to the sound of his heart. “Thank you for giving me time,” he managed to say.

“Of course.”

Soekawa’s breathing felt heavy. He found himself overwhelmed once more and the room felt suffocating. He looked down at his hands still, tightly clutching the tenugui, and began fiddling with the edges, tracing the pattern on it as he tried to come up with his penultimate question.

“What do I get out of joining you?”

He glanced up to see Lord Ushijima studying him carefully.

“What do I get out of joining you?” he asked more firmly this time. “There is a reason I have yet to find myself a new master, so what is it that you are offering me that makes you so different from everyone else I have turned down?”

“On a practical level, you will receive a place to stay, food, and money for your efforts.”

Soekawa nodded. He should’ve expected it would be the same thing that everyone else has tried to offer him.

“But on an emotional level,” Lord Ushijima continued, “I hope to give you the love that was taken from you.” The daimyo’s eyes were soft, yet determined. “I hope to give you a family that cares for you and is loyal to you, as I know you will be with them. I hope to give you more peace and happiness than what you feel you deserve.”

Soekawa inhaled sharply, only to let it out in a shaky breath. Who was this man to come from out of nowhere and speak such words to someone like himself? And with such honesty, no hint of deception in anything he had said tonight as well. Before tonight, Soekawa only knew the man before him as a powerful daimyo who was nearly undefeatable, the certain leader of unification. But now, Soekawa could only see him as a surprisingly complex man, one who cared deeply and purely.

“Those are bold claims,” came the whisper.

“Ones that I fully intend to fulfill.”

If Soekawa doubted Lord Ushijima before, he certainly was not now.

“And for your final question?” asked Lord Ushijima as if he hadn’t just destroyed all that Soekawa knew.

Soekawa let out another shaky breath. He hadn’t realized they had made it so far already. He knew he would have to come back tomorrow, but the fact that this night was coming to an end made him feel...odd. He looked behind him, to the rain, as he asked his last question.

“Will you really accept your fate if I decide to kill you tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Truly?”

“Truly.”

Neither of them said nothing more. Soekawa stood up and turned around to face Lord Ushijima one last time that night. He wondered if the daimyo was feeling as conflicted as he was as he bowed to him, bidding him a good night. Lord Ushijima did the same and when they straightened, they found themselves lingering for another moment longer. Soekawa began to play with his hands, but gasped quietly when he realized he was still holding onto Lord Ushijima’s tenugui. He was about to return it, but Lord Ushijima shook his head.

“Keep it and bring it back with you tomorrow.”

Soekawa hesitated, but the firm look from Lord Ushijima told him he wouldn’t take it back. Instead, he silently placed the tenugui inside his top, protecting it from the rain, when he finally left. Soekawa made no move to pull up his mask again and when he turned around one last time, he felt his breath catch as he saw Lord Ushijima still kneeling in the same position, watching as he finally disappeared into the night.

* * *

Soekawa didn’t sleep for the rest of that night and he didn’t sleep during the day either. He knew he should have, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Instead, his mind worked endlessly as they tried to find his answer for Lord Ushijima, while also working through his own complexities as well.

For years, he had traveled with no master after he lost favor with his family, getting by with his skills. Countless daimyos had asked him to join them, but it was always the same. They wanted someone strong to join them. They only wanted the strongest, so with that in mind, Soekawa knew that it wouldn’t take long for them to cast him aside once they found someone stronger as well. So it is ironic now that he would feel tempted to join the clan that is best known for its sheer brute strength, and all because their leader wanted to talk, all because their leader cared. Maybe Soekawa was jaded, but he saw all of these daimyos as the same, all wanting power in this time of unification. He thought Lord Ushijima to be the same and in some ways, he was, but he was somehow completely unlike them too.

Hours later, Soekawa found himself out in the rain again, pouring just as hard as it had last night. He was kneeling before Lord Ushijima’s door again. For a moment, panic ran through him and his mind drifted, wondering if this was all a trap and that on the other side, Lord Ushijima’s retainers were there, waiting to ambush him. Or maybe the daimyo himself would be the one to put him out of his misery. Soekawa choked back a gasp and was about to run away, when the same baritone voice from last night called out to him, freezing him on the spot.

“Good evening.”

He said nothing in response.

“If you would like to come in from out of the rain, I do not mind.”

Soekawa couldn’t fight back the small smile from appearing on his face as he recalled hearing the same words as last night. He found himself oddly relaxed now and slid open the door to see Lord Ushijima facing away from him. He turned around when he heard the door and Soekawa caught sight of his eyes widening ever so slightly when he saw him.

“You have returned.”

“I have.” Soekawa forwent his mask tonight and though he had taken it off during their conversation last night, he felt strangely more exposed now. “How did you know I was here?”

Lord Ushijima softly snorted. “I guessed again.”

Soekawa didn’t try to hold back his chuckle this time. He was an unusual man, indeed.

“I assume you have an answer for me.”

“I do.”

Lord Ushijima was silent as he waited for Soekawa’s response. The only signs of his anxiety were how he leaned forward slightly and how his hands clutched his hakama.

“You said you were a man who did not believe in fate, not before last night. I was the same.” Soekawa began. “But whereas you denied fate because you believed you were in control of your life, I denied fate because I could not accept that life would cast me aside. I needed someone to blame for causing me to end up like this and I could not do that to something that could not be proven. I could not accept that fate would cause me so much pain.”

Soekawa took a deep breath to calm himself down. He pulled out the tenugui from last night, simply holding it in his hands. Lord Ushijima continued to wait patiently, but the corner of his mouth raised when he saw the dark purple cloth, only to drop a second after.

“Before last night, I denied every other daimyo because in my eyes, they were the same as my family, and between the choices of knowing love, only to be cast aside again and living a paltry life alone, I would rather live alone for an endless eternity.”

Soekawa didn’t reach up to wipe away his tears. Instead, he let them fall freely as he looked into Lord Ushijima’s eyes, warm like the flickering candle.

“But then I met you and you are so alike, yet so different from everyone else. You are a powerful leader, like Lord Oikawa and Lord Kita, but you eat meager meals that only servants would be excited to partake in. Your clan is strong, but you fell, like Lord Sawamura’s, and oddly, by his hand as well. But instead of wishing to prove yourself once more, you let your loss humble you, changing your mind about war entirely. You have the ability to charm and are knowledgeable, like Lords Bokuto and Kuroo respectively, but you would rather be blunt with your words, which is charming in its own right. You could have lied to me, like Lord Daishou, but all you spoke was the truth. You are a strange man and nothing in my life could have prepared me for when we met last night.

“I thought that I knew who I was, a poor excuse for a samurai who was not even worth their own family’s love, destined to be hurt and alone, and I was ready to accept that this was how my life would always be. But you arrived out of nowhere with such honesty and care that I wondered if you were real. You made me doubt my belief of fate because if fate does exist and it made me suffer, then that thought pains me more than anything else. But if fate does exist and this was fate’s way of guiding me to you, then I have no choice but accept it and be open to whatever may happen between us.”

Lord Ushijima’s expression remained serious as he heard the same words he said last night repeated to him, but Soekawa had already noticed how his eyes had become glassy and he smiled through his tears, knowing that he was not alone in his emotions.

“My answer to you, Lord Ushijima, is yes,” Soekawa declared. “Yes, I will join you and only you for I get the feeling that being with you will be what tells me who I really am.”

Soekawa bowed to his new master, shoulders sagging with relief. He looked up to see Lord Ushijima’s reaction, but to his surprise, Lord Ushijima had bowed as well, forehead pressed to the floor. Soekawa sat with his mouth agape at the display and only stopped when Lord Ushijima finally sat up, a clear smile and a single tear on his face.

“Thank you,” he said. “Thank you.”

Remembering the tenugui, Soekawa held it out for Lord Ushijima, but he shook his head like he did before.

“I told you to keep it and bring it back, not to give it back.” He reached over to hold one of Soekawa’s hands, tightening its hold around the tenugui. “Consider it my promise to you.”

Soekawa could only nod and gently pull his hand away to return the tenugui back where it rested over his heart in his top. For a moment, neither of them spoke, only the rain surrounding them. If anyone happened to walk by, they would have simply seen two people staring at each other, but Soekawa and Lord Ushijima felt that this was more than a look. It was a long kiss shared between the two of them, sealing a lifelong contract. The gaze was broken by a crash of thunder, but to be honest, Soekawa believes that may have just been his heart pounding in his chest. He continued taking in the sight of his master, bathed in warm light, before realizing something else important.

“Do you not have one final question to ask me, Lord Ushijima?”

“Ah. Yes, I do,” he said. “My final question is in regards to your identity.” He and Soekawa smiled in tandem, both knowing what was coming next. “May I ask what your name is?”

“Soekawa Jin. My name is Soekawa Jin.”

“Soekawa Jin, I am honored to have you by my side.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this!  
> [Reblog this story.](https://dangcommaannie.tumblr.com/post/622544703802507264/20-questions)  
> [Retweet this story.](https://twitter.com/AwkPoooooooot/status/1278717841076891649?s=20)
> 
> [dangcommaannie.tumblr.com](http://dangcommaannie.tumblr.com/)   
>  [Updates](http://dangcommaannie.tumblr.com/tagged/annie-writes-updates)   
>  [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AwkPoooooooot)


End file.
